Perpetual Smile

Facebook Friend Request: Omg, hi!! We went to the same high school, never spoke, but I’m gonna add you anyway!!

Me: How do I know this person? *looks* Oh. We went to the same high school. I don’t remember them… but evidently I must know them, because we went to the same high school and they’ve requested me over and over throughout the last week. *adds*

New Facebook Friend: Omg! I’m gonna start poking you and hitting you with pillows! Because it’s FUN!!1L And then I’m gonna invite you to Farmville and other such stupid Facebook apps because omg they are the shit!!

Me: *ignore* *remove* *ignore* Why did I add you? *ignore* *ignore* But it’s mean to delete you. *remove* *ignore* Fuck, ANOTHER damn pillow fight? The hell, I thought you were a dude! Only thirteen-year-old girls have pillow fights! *remove*

Annoying Facebook Friend: So, there’s this new Facebook app that asks you dirty questions about your Facebook friends, posts said dirty question for all the world to see right to your profile WITHOUT your permission, and requires you to add it to see my answer to the dirty question… And of course I’m gonna do it, because I enjoy annoying the fuck out of you and making you look bad in front of family and co-workers. Isn’t this fun?

Me: *puffs up to ten times original size, Jigglypuff style* WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?? *remove* *remove* I think I might stab you!!!

Annoying Facebook Friend: I didn’t get why you deleted all of my pillow fight posts and dirty question posts, so I’m gonna hit you with a pillow again. And again.

Me: Okay. I can either delete him from my friends, or kill him. But I don’t know where he lives, considering we never spoke — even though we went to the same high school. I still sorta want him dead though. But that isn’t legal, unless things have changed… *consults Google* Nope, still illegal to kill people. And I’m a bad liar, so I’d totally get caught if I tried it anyway. *goes to friend list* DELETE, MOTHAFUCKER!! AHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Annoying ex-Facebook Friend: Omg, why did she delete me? We went to the same high school! *friend requests*

Me: *eye twitch*