Perpetual Smile

I rarely use my MySpace account any more. I logged in tonight because I checked my email like a good working girl and saw that I had a tagged photo and a tagged photo comment, blah blah blah. I also had a message:

I give up

I didn’t reply to it, because it was an awfully immature message. Rather than trying to address the problem head on, you chose to send a message in an attempt to make it look like it was all my fault.

Yes, “Jude,” I stopped talking to you. Not because I am a bad person. Not because I am spiteful or immature. I stopped talking to you because, time and time again, you lied to me. You may think you treasure the friendship we had, but your actions showed otherwise. So, instead of wasting my time, energy, and peace of mind, I stopped talking to you.

We’ve been through this all before. It’s always the same: You get yourself into trouble; I try to be a good friend and help you out; you lash out at me; I withdraw and regroup; you lie to me; I walk way; you send me text messages, social media comments, and leave me voicemails pretending as if everything is okay; I start to miss you and call you back; rinse and repeat.

Not this time. I just can’t anymore. I cannot continue to exhaust myself on you. I cannot continue to give you everything and get absolutely nothing back. Under normal circumstances, I don’t mind. I think I’m a pretty damn good friend. Maybe I’m too loyal. I’ve realized that in trying to help you, I’ve only been hurting myself. And I’m not doing it anymore.

I hope to god you find a way to keep from down (Blue October, “Been Down”)

When someone lies to you once and you believe them, they’re an asshole.

When this person tells you that their new train wreckboyfriend has been clean for a year and tells your mutual friend that this new train wreckboyfriend has been clean for two weeks, they’re the asshole. Not you.

When this person lies to you about this new train wreck’sboyfriend’s job and tells you that he works as a carpenter and makes a lot of money, when in reality the new train wreckboyfriend lost his job because he is a train wreck and only does odd jobs for his grandma and is living off of this person (who happens to be a single mother), this person is still an asshole, but the new train wreckboyfriend is the bigger asshole.

When this person lies left and right about all things related to their new train wreckboyfriend, and things in their own life that this new train wreckboyfriend now controls, you get worried. You want to help this so-called friend, but they won’t stop lying to you.

When this person has lied to you for the hundredth time about their relationship status with the new train wreckboyfriend, and you believe them every time, you’re the asshole.

There are only so many times that you can lie to yourself about someone who obviously doesn’t care about you — or themselves — very much. And there are only so many times before you decide that you’re just not going to waste your time anymore.

Good luck, “Jude.”