Perpetual Smile

This turned out to be a longer post than I intended. It’s (most) of my woes, so if you want to skip it and read something more cheery, I recommend the Fun stuff category. Otherwise, leave a comment and tell me about your woes. It’s not all about me here, anyway.

This morning on my way to work, I passed a Sunoco and glanced at the price. It was $1.99 a gallon (cash). While most of us rejoice at this lower, Walmart-style price, there’s that nagging feeling in the back of my head that says, “this is bad.” I am only vaguely aware that the reason for the lower gas prices is the declining stock market. The people around me who know about these things — like KJ at work — tell me that the price of gas is going to keep going down, since the stock market won’t be going up anytime soon.

It’s a Catch 22, just like my own financial situation. I ranted a little about this on Scars Can Speak (the Letters of Love blog), and I’ve been writing in my own journal every day about different ways to tackle this problem. Either way, I lose on something. If, for example, I get a second job, I’ll be doing even more running from place to place and who knows how I’ll get my school work done for the rest of the semester. If I get more hours or can go full-time at my current job, I’ll only be able to take two classes next semester rather than getting a full head start on my BA. If I can’t get more hours at my current job and can’t get a second job, I’ll have to leave my current job (which I really like) for a full-time corporate job. Yes, I’d be making more money, but I wouldn’t be able to go back to school full-time for a while. I’d have to be a part-time student. It would take forever. I am so career-oriented and want everything done yesterday that it would drive me nuts. (more…)

The black night sky presses down on us, erases the trees and other forest foliage that would normally be comforting. We sit around a fire that should light up the clearing but offers no warmth or light tonight. I can barely make out the others’ faces, blurred and featureless. The only one clear to me is the brunette squatting five or so feet from me, but even his face is hard to make out. I just know he has dark hair. I also know that he is my boyfriend. (more…)

I just had sort of a revelation: Even though I opted out of NaNoWriMo this year, I still should have tried to write about 2000 words a day to finish The Cure Program. I guess it’s kind of realistically impossible to cram my days with all the things I try to schedule myself for, but still. I haven’t touched The Cure Program in a few weeks, even though the entire point of opting out of NaNo was to finish last year’s novel.

Now that I spent all of last night working on the Letters of Love website — I managed to mess up the WordPress installation there while trying to move it to a new directory — and have no energy to do any homework today, I think I’ll spend some time doing some actual writing. I think I deserve it, after this week. At least, my novel deserves it.

I hit a roadblock when I was last working on it, but Professor H. — my editor — offered me some suggestions and I think I have a way now. At least, I have something to try.

I started reading Twilight again Saturday night. It’s just as addictive as the first time.

When I first read it, one of the things that really pulled me in was how easy it was to relate to Bella. She is sarcastic, new to Forks and the town’s high school, hates cold, rain and snow, sucks at sports, blushes easily and is shy. Despite the world Bella lives in (filled with vampires, shapeshifters, werewolves and danger), everything about her was as real to me as myself, because I saw a lot of myself in her character.

Stephenie Meyer is very good at creating believable characters. In her adult debut, The Host, the characters are just as vivid as they are in the Twilight Saga. Melanie and Wanderer, the novel’s main characters, were real to me despite the post-alien-invasion world the story was set in. Melanie was a normal human woman fighting for her life and the lives of her kid brother Jamie and true love Jared. Wanderer, the alien who had taken Melanie’s body, took on these emotions in a very believable way — so believable that the story itself showed me how wide our range of emotions are and how little sense they can make sometimes.

Characters are very important to me. If a novel or movie is plot-driven, I don’t usually like it. If it’s character-driven, however, I get sucked in and can’t put the book down. I try my hardest to create interesting characters with layers and layers of personality — characters with depth. I try to make my characters easy to relate to for the reader.

What are some things that appeal to you about characters in comics, movies, books and songs?

Sometimes people are convertible. Sometimes they can change. I’ve converted from an introverted, heavily depressed scared little girl to a somewhat outgoing young woman who is usually positive about the things in her life. Some people are not

I’ve decided to do one piece of stream of consciousness prose a day, using the words provided at One Word. My goal is to get myself writing at least a little every day, and to get my creative juices flowing so I can write more every day. One Word gives you 60 seconds to write something about the word they provide you with, so most likely the pieces I post will be unfinished.

“Oh, dammit,” Eugene said, tugging at his briefcase. It had caught on the edge of one of the seats, and the sharp plastic had torn a scratch across the face of the already scuffed briefcase. He pulled harder and the seat let go, sending him sprawling onto the car floor. The heavy briefcase landed in his lap. “Augh.” He shoved the briefcase off of himself and stood shakily, grabbing hold of another seat to steady himself as the subway car bulleted through the tunnels of New York City.

The only other two passengers this late at night — a man who smelled like cheap wine and a young woman with a stud in her nose — glared at him.

“Sorry, sorry,” he said, making his way to a seat as far away from them as possible. He sat hugging the briefcase that sat on his lap. This day had been the worst ever in Eugene Bean history. He had gotten up early and taken a taxi — using his allowance — to Mid-Town. He had read enough Tyra Banks biographies to know that the first step to becoming famous was to go on a go-see. The first modeling agency he had visited was Brooke’s Booked. (more…)

Right now it feels as if every molecule in my body is aching. My arms are feeling better but now my legs have that same toothachey radiating pain. It’s kind of hard to concentrate on writing like this.

I attended my very first NaNoWriMo write-in today, at a local Panera Bread. I’ve come to the conclusion that everyone who works here is a robot. They are abnormally polite and even the way they speak is odd. They’re just so proper and… weird. Dexter, the guy who was sitting across from me during the two hours I was writing, thought the same thing.

Anyway, when I first walked in I was really nervous. I’ve never purposefully gone to a place to meet with strangers before. Everyone was really nice though, and even though I can’t remember any of their names — sorry, guys — I had a good time writing with them. They didn’t seem to mind that I am officially a NaNo-dropout, even though I barely got any real writing done. In the whole two hours I was supposed to be writing, I wrote five paragraphs. The aching is starting to come back, too, so I think I’m done for the day.

I emailed Professor H. with a synopsis of the block I’ve hit (I’ve been writing chapters for a different character instead of continuing with the rest of the novel because I’m stuck). Hopefully he can help me out.

Well, I am off to go get some things at Wal-Mart and maybe some things at Michael’s (the craft store, not my boyfriend) as well. I’ll update with something better later, if it’s physically possible. ):

I’ve decided to get back to The Cure Program full-time. Well, as much time as possible. I’ve also asked Professor Harding to edit it for me, and he’s agreed. I need to have it finished by xmas break so that he can look at it. In the meantime he is going to help me with the parts I’m stuck on. The bad side of this is that I am dropping NaNoWriMo this year.

I’ve participated in NaNoWriMo since 2005. That year, I finished writing a novel for the first time — but did not make it to the 50,000 word mark. Up until then I had started several novels and left them in limbo. In 2006 I quit because I wasn’t happy with what I was writing and I didn’t have the time (it was my first semester of college). In 2007, I won but didn’t finish the novel. To me, I have won twice. I have already gotten the full NaNo-experience, and I think it is more important to finish The Cure Program rather than let it collect dust. I don’t have time to do both. I need to jump on the opportunities that I have: my professor will be available at the end of the semester to edit for me, and the genre I am writing in is apparently very hot right now.

So, during the month of November, I will finish my baby. I will finish writing it and prepare to begin the editing process. In December or January, I will start contacting agents. Thumbtacks will get written, just not right now.

I do, however, plan to attend the write-ins for my NaNoWriMo regional group. That way I’ll have specific time set aside to write, and I can get to know some other writers in my area. Hopefully they won’t mind hanging out with a NaNo-dropout.

I don’t think I can sit here much longer but I need my Visual Basic professor to look at my programs!

Lately I’ve fallen ridiculously behind in VB, which I’d been sort of ahead in to begin with. At this point I’ve completely given up on trying to read the chapters, and have been printing out his lecture slides instead. I still have two and a half assignments to finish, and tonight he is giving us another one. At least I’m all caught up with Creative Writing (I just have to edit poems to hand in for my portfolio).

Between all of the pain I’ve been in lately and this maddening rush to catch up on school work, I’m beat. Pile on a few other personal things and I’m ready to hop on a plane to Florida. (Besides, it’s warm down there!) I like to say that I thrive under pressure, and normally I do, but right now I’d rather ignore certain things than face them like a man — um, woman.

As for something totally random, I managed to smash two of my fingers in the door of the Director of Student Activities’ office. My middle finger has a crescent shaped blood blister below my nail and it hurts. It’s kind of cool looking but it kind of grosses me out.

NaNoWriMo starts in less than ten days and I still need to finish my characters’ profile sheets and my outline. I wonder if my professors and boyfriend would be okay with it if I totally ignored everything else just so I can get ready to write?

In this version, in an annexed attic
the Grandmother is middle aged and bald
Christopher is in his mid-twenties and
my sister is the remaining twin.

Christopher senior still turns a deaf ear
while two make up one selfish Corinne
spending and spending instead of time spent
and Catherine is left to write it all down.