I wonder what would happen if I started blogging every day?
Today I looked up mental health care providers in my area and wrote down three names and numbers that jumped out at me. I was mainly looking for pain management, depression, and mood disorder specialties — and of course someone who is a chick. I just can’t picture myself talking to a strange man. Then again, it sucks talking to a strange anyone… Unless that anyone happens to be a cat, because they pretend to be good listeners. I say pretend because everyone knows that cats pretend to sleep, pretend to love you, pretend to listen, all while they plot your death for serious.
What was I saying?
I spent today kind of floating. I have a LOT of work to do, which is probably why I mostly just procrastinated all day. It’s overwhelming. Tomorrow is the last day to upload all kinds of content to Latest Client’s WordPress site, so that they can be all wowed and amazed on Monday. Meanwhile, my muse is screaming for me to write, to work on Secondhand Mom or the short story I started last week. Stupid muse. When I want to write, she ditches me. When I can’t write, she yells at me to write.
I wanted to do a lot of things today, and now I can barely remember what I did do. (Uh, nothing.) I really wanted to get a lot done and go to Mike’s so that I could hang out with Robbie, Jaysa, and Ciana (my new niece), but since I didn’t get anything done…
Tomorrow I’m supposed to be going to Mike’s to watch the Colts/Jets game, so I’m panicking because that only gives me a few hours to get everything done that I need to get done. I think today can be filed under LAZY.
Merely want to say your article is striking. The clearness in your post is simply spectacular and i can assume you are an expert on this subject. Well with your permission allow me to grab your rss feed to keep up to date with incoming post. Thanks a million and please keep up the effective work.
This is what spectacular looks like in the morning.
In short: my writing is striking, spectacular, and I am an effective expert. Thank you, spambot.
The problem with this title scheme, guys, is that there are only so many Z words. The only Z word I can think of is zebra. This is where you come in.
I need you to leave me comments with your favorite Z words. I’m especially counting on the spambots, since they are getting pretty damn smart. Not that you humans aren’t smart. I’m just saying that the spambots tend to spit stuff out depending on what they see. So if they see the letter Z, they are going to go crazy and leave all kinds of Z words.
In fact, I think that spambots are the next superior race on planet Earth.
What spambots will be saying about us in the future on their spambot oatmeal packets.
They will be so much more advanced than us, in ways that I — in all of my spambot-blessed expertise — cannot ever imagine. I mean, they’re already ahead of us. They are INVISIBLE, for crying out loud! If a spambot was here in my house right now, looking over my shoulder as I type this, I wouldn’t know it.
So maybe Allie can one-up the spambots. I’m not sure. But I do know that they are going to be the next superior race, and before this happens I need to write as many L-I-Z acronym posts as possible. (My apologies to those of you who thought this one was gonna be about lesbians in sexy zebra stripe underwear.) So give me your best Z words, or the Fun-Size Kitty of DOOM will eat you!
The glowing eyes mean that she is charging up for ATTACK!
Donated Z Words: Please note that Z words are rare and endangered. Donating a Z word to my blog will keep them safe from spambots and Fun-Size kitties.
And then @BookGeekGal kicked some major Z ass (01/10/2010, 12:49am):
Spambots, you are letting me down! Are you really going to let a bunch of humans out-Z you?
Update 01/10/2010, 12:56am: The spambots are fighting back, but instead of Z words, they’re insulting me!
This means war!!
Update 01/10/2010, 1:34am:
They're going to overtake us!!
Update 01/10/2010, 2:34am: It’s totally fucking weird that I’m updating EXACTLY AN HOUR LATER, but it’s even weirder that the spambots are now kicking our asses. They can speak an assload of Russian, so they win this battle 3-2. I am too lazy to take and post a screenshot, but believe me, they dumped a whole mess of Russian into my blog comments. (Thank goodness for Akismet, or they would have taken over my blog!)
Their hefty block of Cyrillic smack-talking translates to:
Listen up, puny Earthlings. We are INVISIBLE, have no need for Z words, and can DESTROY your bandwidth with just the power of our MINDS. Also, we speak Russian and 19 million other languages, including ones you have not discovered yet. Surrender now or prepare to fight! Meow, that’s right!†
We will get them next time…
†If you can tell me what this is from WITHOUT GOOGLING, because that would show weakness to the spambots, I’ll whore your blog/Twitter/website/pictures of your cat on my Twitter.
Posted in Random on 11/27/2009 07:24 pm by Elizabeth Kaylene
The first time that I remember it happening, we lived at the duplex.
I sat in the pink upstairs bathroom, doing my business. Suddenly, as if listening to a radio, I heard a woman’s voice. I couldn’t make out anything she said; most of it was static and crackling. I looked out the window. No one there. No one lived downstairs or upstairs from us, and to my knowledge no one was playing a radio in the house. As crazy as this sounds, the static came from inside of me.
(Note: I don’t hear voices. Promise.)
I got the hell out of the bathroom as quickly as possible.
It happened every so often after that, in the same pink bathroom. Same woman’s voice, washed out by static.
White noise.
Another time, I sat on Mommy’s bed in my parents’ bedroom while Mommy read to Lauren and I. The phone rang and Mom answered it. I could hear my aunt. While Lauren and I sat waiting for the conversation to end so we could get back to whichever Narnia book we were on, I heard the white noise again.
I looked frantically at my sister. She heard nothing. I looked at Mom and tried to tell myself it was just my aunt’s voice that I was hearing, but it wasn’t. I tried to tell myself it was some radio station crossed with the phone lines or something, but it sounded exactly like the same woman’s voice, all muffled and drowned out by static. No one else heard it, either.
I was definitely creeped out.
Luckily, I haven’t heard it in years.
Until last night.
I usually go to bed listening to some kind of music on my BlackBerry (it’s also an mp3 player) — especially if I can’t sleep, am stressed, or worried (which I am, all three). Last night I plugged in my headphones, stuck them in my ears, and heard weird noise.
Not headphone feedback.
White noise.
I can’t even really explain it, but I know it wasn’t just a regular headphone thing.
I noticed that I had accidentally turned my camera on (there’s a button on the side), so I exited it and the white noise stopped. A second later, it started again.
No woman’s voice, but it was definitely there, and definitely creepy.
“Lauren?” I didn’t want to wake her up because I knew she had to go into work for five in the morning, but I had to make sure I wasn’t losing my damn mind.
“Hmn?” She turned toward me.
“Listen to this.” I handed her the headphones. “I don’t have music playing. I promise. Just listen.”
I watched her face as she listened. Her eyes widened a little. “That’s weird.”
“Isn’t it? It’s fucking creepy. White noise,” I said, taking the headphones back and putting them back in my ears. I could still hear it.
I hadn’t even thought about the white noise I heard as a kid until this morning, when I was on Twitter talking to Kreshnik.
I’m trying not to think about it anymore. What are some weird things you’ve experienced but couldn’t explain? Leave a comment and share it!
Posted in Fun Stuff, Random on 11/18/2009 10:00 am by Elizabeth Kaylene
I’ve been spending a lot of time on Twitter lately, partially because it’s great procrastination when you’re writing a novel and partly because I’ve been finding a lot of cool people lately and having awesome conversations with them. @sudobeer and I were talking about wishlists, which led us to Livejournal, which led me to look up my old Livejournal accounts. I thought it would be interesting to post an entry from five years ago, back when blogging meant updating my Livejournal and bitching about stuff. Technically the following entry is from 11/16/2004, but that’s close enough for me.
Whew. Been awhile since I could update. I’ve been updating friend’s only a lot lately, but felt I should update normally just in case anyone who isn’t on my friend’s list thinks I dropped off the planet ><''
Currently I've been busy with school and work, and I have several projects underway in my free time, such as expanding my rpg. I've also just joined a new rpg that seems to be a lot more active than the others that I'm in, so... Also have a lot of site work to do, only one of which I'm looking forward to. I can't register a domain cos, low and behold, I have no credit card and no way to get one. Have to wait two years, which is really going to kill my portfolio. *dies* Which somehow reminds me of the novel I need to work on....
But anyway.. I'm working every day this week (except today) and possibly going to see Sean on Sunday (sure hope so!), so..
I miss you all and I haven't forgotten you -- just been so busy! And tomorrow the cycle changes to shop for me. Joy. I'm really not looking forward to being on Faculty Range with Chef Z. Not my idea of fun, since I'm most likely going to be sous and he is most likely going to put everything on me like he did to Joan. I miss Chef B, but it's time to realize he isn't coming back and that I have to accept it. But I can't. I still feel like he's coming back soon, and then I remember he's not, and it hits me too hard.
Mindy -- are you coming down for Thanksgiving?
Well, that's all for now. Maybe I'll update Saturday morning or later that night, if I have the energy. Or maybe i'll work another double shift. ^________^ Oh, and guess where I'm working on Thursday?? That's right guys -- the game store!!! *jumps up and down* John is the best manager in the whole wide world ^^
Ja ne~
Yes, I am totally ashamed of all the Japanophile crap clogging up that entry.
If you’ve been blogging long enough, I dare you to dig up an old post from five years ago and repost it on your current blog. DO IT and comment here with the link so I can read. Let’s start a meme!
I stayed up late last night writing and talking to Mike on Facebook. Yes, I know, we could have easily called each other, but it’s more fun to let Facebook’s messenger wreak havoc on our computers and stall everything. But that’s Facebook for you!
Yesterday was also Election Day. I so wanted Mr. Theriault to beat Jarjura out of mayor. I can’t stand Jarjura, and Theriault was my elementary school principal. I’m glad I voted though; I almost didn’t go because I didn’t feel like driving two seconds down the street. (What? I wanted to go to Barnes and Noble to write!) I convinced myself by asking myself, What if my vote is the one vote he needs to beat Jarjura? Unfortunately, Jarjura won. Again.
To make things worse, today is Wednesday and this? Is the longest week, ever. Can I say, however, that I have been possibly exposed to swine flu THREE TIMES and have escaped it? (It’s coming to get me, you know.) My four-year-old goddaughter has some sort of flu (Sandy is getting her tested to see exactly what strain), my Aunt Rikki has some sort of flu, and her daughter Katarina — who is two, almost three — also has the flu. My mom, who is a psych tech at the hospital, said that regular flu season hasn’t begun yet, so the state is saying that if you have the flu, odds are it’s H1N1 — swine flu. (H1N1 sounds like some nerdy fifteen-year-old boy’s name choice, complete with freckles, acne, glasses, and a sock to masturbate in.)
In other, completely unrelated and much more exciting news, I bought this little cube of Post-it notes that POP UP. You can pull them out one at a time! And the bottom has this little circle of rubber-like material that sticks to your desk like you wouldn’t believe. If you felt it, you would not believe that it actually sticks. And clearly I need to either get some sleep or get a life.
Anyway, today is also Hilly‘s birthday, who is fucking awesome. She’s also hot, which helps her awesome case. So go smother her with birthday wishes!
Posted in Random, Rantastic on 10/28/2009 07:56 am by Elizabeth Kaylene
Dear Mr. SandmanFuckturd,
Why do you keep skipping over me?
I understand why you did it last week. Tuesday I was in too much pain to sleep, and Wednesday and Thursday Cymbalta cockblocked you. (I’ve quickly realized that Cymbalta CANNOT help. Are you in cahoots* with Cymbalta? I’d better not find out you are!)
But this week? Where the fuck have you been? I stopped taking Cymbalta like a good girl. I even went to bed early last night after watching Dollhouse. I went to bed at like 9:00, and you stood me up! I never go to bed that early, but for you I did. I lay there for at least an hour, and spent the entire night waking up over and over again.
Listen, Mr. SandmanDorkwad, I am not the kind of girl who tolerates being stood up. I want my magic sleep dust, and I want it now. If you don’t show up tonight, there’s going to be trouble. I’m talking people with pitchforks and torches at your door, Mr. SandmanSlacker.
Posted in Random on 08/22/2009 10:00 am by Elizabeth Kaylene
I got my very first jury duty summons about a week ago.
I laughed. I cried. (Especially when I found out I won’t be getting paid by my company, since I only work part-time. Though I am also self-employed, so I wonder if that might change things.) I swore a lot, too. My mom gave me several ways to get out of it (like calling the night before to see if my name is recorded on the list of people they don’t need). (Here are a few really funny ways to try and get out of jury duty!)
And then I filled out the return form like a good girl and marked the date in my planner.
The next day at work, I broke the news to my boss. “I know it’s like forever away,” I said, “but I have jury duty on the 25th. Of September. Just so ya know.”
He asked if I wanted to borrow a book to bring with me. (Wish I could remember the title! He said that when he brought it with him, they sent him home as soon as they saw it!) “Or,” he said, “you can ask if they need you when you show up. Just say, ‘look, do you really need me?’ and they might not and just send you home.”
“Hmn. I might try that. Unless it’s actually interesting.” I sighed. “Jury duty. Ugh! It should just be a profession, for people who actually like it.”
“It would make a great job for retired people,” my boss said.
I laughed. “I know, right? They watch People’s Court all day anyway!”
I was going to write a super update about awesome stuff but since I got distracted — read: Twitter, WordPress.org, Ning — this lame one will just have to do.
I went and got that blood work done earlier this morning. It should be illegal to get up before eleven on the weekend. Seriously. I am so sleep deprived and it isn’t even the work week!
Anyway, while the nice lady took big vials of blood from me, I considered asking her to rig the results so I could have a diagnosis. Seriously. I thought about it. She seemed sympathetic, so she might have done it.
She told me to drink some orange juice since I had so much blood taken. None of the phlebotomists I’ve had draw my blood ever mentioned that before. She said any time you have large quantities or large vials taken, you should drink O.J. Maybe this is a sign that my luck is turning around; between the super awesome PA I’ve been seeing and now this really helpful phlebotomist, I’ve been given reason to believe that now I’ll get some answers. Maybe.
Last night I went with my sister Lauren to Nikki‘s to watch the Degrassi Goes Hollywood movie. It was pretty good, even though there were some things I didn’t like. I’ll have to post a full review later, after I watch it again. (Yes, I have no life. Thanks for reminding me.)
Now I’m headed out to have lunch with my great-great-aunt Betty with Mom and Lauren. After that, as long as I’m feeling up to it, Lauren and I are going to Lake Compounce for the day. It’s supposed to be really hot today, so I have a feeling we’ll spend most of the day in the water park. And of course I’ll have to ride the Boulder Dash.
What are you doing this weekend to stay cool? Leave a comment and tell me.
Posted in Random on 08/12/2009 02:47 pm by Elizabeth Kaylene
My phone vibrated against the desk. I shoved my bluetooth — that’s Mr. Bluetooth to you — into my ear and pressed the button, simultaneously checking my phone to see who was calling. My BlackBerry’s screen greeted my with my Dad’s Facebook photo.
“Hello,” I said, clicking at my screen.
“I’m not gonna get you in trouble, am I?”
“No,” I said. I glanced at the time on my desktop toolbar.
My dad seemed to hesitate, and then he asked the question that I am supposed to be always asking: “Can I borrow your car?”
His van had bit the dust a week or so ago, and he had bought a used car to replace it. Unfortunately, the Altima he’d bought turned out to be a lemon. He’s been taking my Ellie every so often to go do jobs — he’s an oversized load escort — until he can find something else because he doesn’t trust the Altima. Every so often he’ll ask or, like a couple of days ago, he’ll just borrow her for quick errands. (I’ve thought about using this all as leverage. Trust me. I’m just waiting for the right opportunity.)
“Sure,” I agreed. He explained that he would drop his car off in the parking lot at my job and take my car from there. All I had to do was give my building’s receptionist the license plate so that the Altima didn’t end up mistakenly being towed. No problem. Besides getting to drive something else, I was getting gas out of the deal.
After work I walked the block to my parking lot and got into the Altima. “Could have at least cracked me a window, Dad,” I said to the inside of the car. I lifted the mat and rooted around for the key. “Ah-ha!” As I put it into the ignition, I braced myself for the possibility of it not starting (its neutral safety switch is busted, just like Lisa Mazda‘s was). It started just fine, and I glanced up to start backing out. No rearview mirror. “Aw, Dad!” I checked my side mirrors and looked behind me. Fine. I could do this. No big deal.
I put the car into reverse and started backing out. BOOM. BOOOM. BOOOOOM. Where was that awful too-high bass sound coming from? Me? It was coming from me! Or, the Altima, actually. A second later I totally forgot about the sound as I began backing out, hoping that the side mirrors weren’t hexed and that I wouldn’t end up bashing into one of my coworker’s cars. (You never know. It could happen. Really.)
All backed out and ready to go, I started to leave the parking lot. BOOM. BOOOOM. BOOOM-BOOOM. “Oh my god,” I thought. “It sounds like a GIT car!”
Yep. I had the radio’s volume almost all the way down and yet it sounded like I had one of those bass booster thingamabobs in my trunk. As I sat at a red light, the entire car was shaking, as if I were sitting in one of those massage chairs at the mall.
The whole ride home, I thought for certain that it would die on me. Or that someone behind me might get pissed at my slowness. Or that the brakes might fail and that I would go sliding into another car. Or maybe a cop would pull me over because of the little ghetto car’s looks.
Instead, everyone ignored me. For once, no one rode my ass — even though I drove slower than ever! (They must have thought I was one of them, due to the BOOM BOOM-BOOM BOOM.) I drove past two cops and they didn’t so much as blink at me. And best of all? No one died. Hooray.
“No wonder you didn’t want to drive this thing,” I said to Dad when he called me to make sure I got home okay. It occurred to me then that he might have thought I wouldn’t make it home alive in that thing, either!
Leave a comment and tell me: What’s the worst car you’ve ever driven? (Bonus points if you can tell me where I got the title of this post from!)
