Perpetual Smile

I figured I’d increase my chances at snagging the complete Buffy collection on DVD — and sidestep having to put chocolate syrup all over my chest — by writing about Avitable’s holiday giveaway. Plus, it’s an excellent opportunity for me to show off how much of a nerd I really am.

Last xmas Mike got me season three — you know, the one with Faith — because I wouldn’t stop gushing about how much I love Faith and how much I missed the show in general. Okay, so gushing isn’t the right word. I never stopped talking about it. Somehow, I never picked up on the fact that he was actually going to get it for me. I guess I’m just too slow.

For the next few weeks Lauren and I watched marathons on Friday and Saturday nights, trying to drag it out as long as possible so that we wouldn’t go into withdrawal. Well, just like everything else, season three came to an end. The withdrawal symptoms ensued.

Throughout the last year, I kept promising myself I’d go out and buy seasons one and two so we could have an even longer marathon. Naturally for one reason or another it never happened. Everything else just seemed to become priority, like food and doctor appointments.

Then came Avitable, blogging shiny promises of becoming the one in fifty-plus commenters to have the ultimate high — every Buffy episode, everrr. (Is the nerdiness coming off in waves or what?)

If you love Buffy just as much as I do and feel satanically competitive, up those odds! Post a comment in Avitable’s holiday giveaway and write your own blog post about his contest. (You can also email him pictures of his name on your chest, if you feel like being a good Samaritan.)

And maybe, just maybe, if you win and feel generous enough you’ll invite me over for a Buffy marathon night.

…used to cut and burn myself. I try to be really open about it, because hardly anyone talks about it. People are so uninformed; they think it’s for attention, and I can tell you straight up that it is not. Still, it scares the hell out of me to actually admit it to the world.

…am not religious — at all. I don’t believe in any kind of god, although sometimes I think there just might be a higher power. I do believe that your loved ones sometimes stick around to help you out or visit you one last time. I guess that’s similar to the angels some people believe in. I’m just not sure where they go after they’re done with you. Sometimes, it’s a little depressing.

…have a secret fear of people leaving me. This doesn’t just include my boyfriend suddenly breaking up with me or someone dying; when out shopping or even at home, I’m terrified that I’m going to get ditched. I don’t let anyone out of my sight.

…sometimes repeat things people say or copy things people do out of a compulsive urge to experience it for myself. One time while grocery shopping, Mike made a fingerprint in the dust on the shelf and I immediately did the same. He called me a copycat while I stood there trying to figure out why the hell I’d just done that.

…am really, really fucking weird. I don’t deny it. Everyone tells me I’m weird. Whatever. I guess it’s just one of my quirks.

…have thoracic outlet syndrome, with double crush syndrome. I probably don’t write about it enough. have chronic pain in my arms, which after four doctors is still undiagnosed.

…hate winter. Hate it, hate it, hate it. I want to move to Florida, but I’d probably have to go without Mike to make that dream come true.

…run a not-for-profit pen pal project for people with depression, called Letters of Love. It’s almost a year old and still running strong.

…am a total nerd. I love designing websites and coding everything by hand. I love to read and write. I miss playing video games all day. I collect comic books, dragons and other action figures. I am a huge fan of The Crow.

…am way too hard on myself. I tend to give myself a million projects at once with no hopes in ever completing them. Paradoxically, I can’t hold grudges against other people, even when they’ve screwed me over repeatedly. I’m just learning to get rid of the poison in my life.

Everyone else is doing it, so I figured why the hell not.