Perpetual Smile

This turned out to be a longer post than I intended. It’s (most) of my woes, so if you want to skip it and read something more cheery, I recommend the Fun stuff category. Otherwise, leave a comment and tell me about your woes. It’s not all about me here, anyway.

This morning on my way to work, I passed a Sunoco and glanced at the price. It was $1.99 a gallon (cash). While most of us rejoice at this lower, Walmart-style price, there’s that nagging feeling in the back of my head that says, “this is bad.” I am only vaguely aware that the reason for the lower gas prices is the declining stock market. The people around me who know about these things — like KJ at work — tell me that the price of gas is going to keep going down, since the stock market won’t be going up anytime soon.

It’s a Catch 22, just like my own financial situation. I ranted a little about this on Scars Can Speak (the Letters of Love blog), and I’ve been writing in my own journal every day about different ways to tackle this problem. Either way, I lose on something. If, for example, I get a second job, I’ll be doing even more running from place to place and who knows how I’ll get my school work done for the rest of the semester. If I get more hours or can go full-time at my current job, I’ll only be able to take two classes next semester rather than getting a full head start on my BA. If I can’t get more hours at my current job and can’t get a second job, I’ll have to leave my current job (which I really like) for a full-time corporate job. Yes, I’d be making more money, but I wouldn’t be able to go back to school full-time for a while. I’d have to be a part-time student. It would take forever. I am so career-oriented and want everything done yesterday that it would drive me nuts.

Besides, corporate jobs are yuck. I’ve worked in enough corporate places to know that they don’t care as much about what they’re doing or their employees, as compared to independent companies. All they care about is making money. Maybe my job is a wild card, but they seem to care more about what they’re doing and how they’re treating their employees and customers. Most of the time we discuss doing something new, the question that pops up is, “what else can we give our customers?” Don’t get me wrong, we most certainly like making money around here. The difference is, I think, is our approach to it. We’re friendly sharks, rather than the vicious, shipwrecking kind.

At least I’m not agonizing over a decision anymore. I have plans A, B, C and D. It’s just the waiting, wondering how everything will turn out, that is getting me.

In the meantime, I’ve been saving money like mad. I don’t really get coffee in the morning anymore (except for Thursdays, and today I treated myself). I buy snacks and microwavable meals that are cheap and will keep me full, instead of stopping at Burger King or whatever. The only money I really spend during the week is on cigarettes, and I’m trying to cut back on those a little, too (even though I rarely smoke more than a pack a day). The only thing I’m buying for myself that isn’t food, gas or cigarettes is a new pair of winter boots. My old ones (which were brand new last year) ripped at the heel and while I can wear them they don’t stay on properly. They’re those Sketchers that are ankle high. They’re casual, comfortable, look professional but they kept my feet warm and dry. Plus, I didn’t fall down as much. I’m hoping that Target has a layaway so I can get boots from them, or that I can find a cheap pair.

I’m really hoping my car makes it through until I can get a better one. She’s becoming more and more temperamental. She doesn’t like to start sometimes. The mysterious drain sometimes won’t let the battery get any juice, even when it’s been disconnected. The windshield wipers don’t always work, and the Rain-X Dad put on my windshield freaks me out (it creates a HUGE glare when oncoming headlights or streetlights hit the windshield). I tried to make a deal with her this morning, that if she would take care of me I’d take care of her and soon she can retire. I bet she just ignored me and kept on plotting ways to kill me. Yes, I think my car wants me dead. But you’ve heard this all before.

To make matters worse, my house was a battlefield last night. There was a lot of arguing and yelling, and even though I think we’re all okay now — it was all a huge misunderstanding and overreaction on all parts — I’m kind of reluctant to face anyone. I ended up having Mike pick me up last night. We played Call of Duty 5 and watched The Shield. CoD 5 is amazing. I watched Mike, Rob and little Tony play online and then I played the regular game. They gave me a flamethrower and I had at it. It was nice stress relief. I couldn’t figure out why the hell I kept getting killed so easily — I’m not a hardcore CoD player but I can hold my own with most first-person shooters — until Mike nonchalantly mentioned that he’d put me in Veteran mode. Thanks, babe.

The Shield is awesome, too. I wish I’d gotten into it years ago when it first started. I’ve only seen three or four episodes, all from this season, so I pretty much don’t know what the fuck is going on. I really like it, though. The characters are fantastic. The series finale is next week. Mike is sad; The Shield is his favorite show and he’s been following it from day one. He thinks Mackey is going to kill himself. I don’t think so, because he doesn’t seem like that kind of character, but Mike insists that he’s been watching it from the beginning so he ought to know. Whatever. I think we should start buying it on DVD so we can watch it from the beginning together. Of course, I guess it’d have to wait until we got our own place. I still have his Metalocalypse season one set and haven’t touched it in months.

If you haven’t noticed yet, I’m really late with everything. The boots, for example. I thought those Uggz boots were ugly last year. This year, I’m suddenly practical; I’ve realized that, DUH, they’re warm and comfortable. They don’t seem so ugly this year.

Naturally, on top of everything else, I haven’t been doing any writing. Well — I wouldn’t say any. I’ve been doing my Creative Writing assignments and this post counts, I guess. I just haven’t done any writing for The Cure Program. I have, however, been catching up on my Visual Basic homework. I need to do some writing tonight.

I realize this post has been one long conglomeration of (mostly) everything bouncing around in my head right now, so if you’ve stuck through to the end you deserve a cookie. Thanks to everyone who has been there for me in the past few weeks, including both my online and face-to-face friends. You guys keep me going. I promise the next post will not be so bitchy and doomgloom.

Related Posts:

• Letting it all out
• My problems are overweight
• I don’t want anymore, thanks
• I’ve got this blogging thing down
• Life is killing me
• Taking all my sunshine
• I don’t even know her name, but she is my hero
• I can’t win
• To be brutally honest
• Anyone want some bad luck?