Perpetual Smile

Nothing about today is good. My back pain is back; I spent last night tossing and turning because not only was it in my lower back but also in my front hips. I also had a bad dream, so all in all it made for a pretty sleepless night. I dreamed I was some blond runaway and my runaway, brunette and abusive boyfriend got me knocked up. He beat me up so bad that I had a miscarriage. The dream flickered to me lying on a hospital table to me in some house where everyone was dead and I had a gun to defend myself from — I’m assuming — my abusive dream boyfriend. Talk about a vivid — and somewhat depressing — mind. I don’t dream that vividly very often, but when I do they’re usually really crazy.

Maybe I’m having more issues with what happened to me than I initially thought.

I went to the chiropractor this afternoon and then to Wal-Mart. I got some stuff to make cards with for the Letters of Love Greeting Card Challenge and stuff for my crafts class on Monday. I also got some sugar cookie mix, which was a pick-me-up — at the time.

Then I got home, and all hell broke loose. Mike and I got into a fight, Lauren and I got into a fight, and now I have no energy to get anything done that I need to get done. I have piles upon piles of things to do, and it’s so overwhelming that I don’t want to do any of it. I hung out with Nikki last night and although it was a nice break it’s just another reminder that I hardly ever get to just relax. Even when I’m hanging out with my friends or Mike, my mind is constantly racing, thinking of all the things I need to get done. I can’t relax, because I’m too busy being preoccupied with what I think I should be doing instead of having fun.

To top it off, my McAfee subscription is expired. I probably shouldn’t be online right now.

I’ve given up on trying to figure out what Mike’s big xmas surprise for me is.

I asked him if he was planning on proposing, because I didn’t want that kind of surprise to be ruined, but he’s not. We both agreed we want to move in together and experience living with each other before we take that step. So yay for being on the same page but boo to having no answer. Guess I’ll have to wait and see.

I think he’s enjoying himself, though. The other day he told me that whatever I’m getting him will not top what he’s getting me. Gee, thanks darling. A couple of weeks ago he offered to give me some clues. Naturally, I took him up on it. My first clue was that it needs a key, and that you could sit in it. This confused me, so he gave me another clue.

“It’s something you’ve been asking for.”

My eyebrows went up. “I… I have no idea.”

“It starts with a P and ends with a Y.” When I still didn’t get it, he said, “It starts with a P-R and ends with a Y.”

“Privacy?” When he said yes I was excited that I’d guessed his word clue but still confused. “A vacation?” Nope. “A hotel room?” Nope.

“You pay for it monthly.”

“An… apartment?”

“Yes!” He then proceeded to tell me that Tyson’s, his sister Britt’s boyfriend, cousin — who owns the duplex they live in — was moving out and that Britt and Tyson had worked out an agreement with him. We could live there, in that beautiful duplex apartment, for free.

“But what about bills and stuff? We can’t afford that!”

“Britt’s going to help us out for a while,” Mike said.

I couldn’t speak. “But that’s not fair to her…” She didn’t mind, he said. “I can’t believe… Wow. Really?”

“No.”

Sometimes I am entirely too gullible, and he is just terrible.