Perpetual Smile

Things have been very frustrating lately, but I’ve decided that the only way to deal with them is by writing and ignoring the things stressing me out. Easy to say, tough to do. Still, I think that by focusing mainly on my writing this coming winter I might just make it out of everything alive. Mainly, there are two people who are causing me the most stress. One is a family member and the other is a good friend. Both are for very different reasons — or are they? There is nothing I can do about either of them, considering one is seen as a golden child in the eyes of everyone else (so who is going to believe me when I say that this person treats my sister and I like dirt?) and the other yeah-I-knows me but continues to do what they do anyway. I do have to say that I’ve decided not to take anymore shit from either of these people, no matter what the consequences may be. I’d rather have them and everyone else angry with me than be treated like shit. I do matter, despite what these people’s actions may say.

Anyway. My back is still hurting. Every once in a while — like when I stand up — I’ll get a nasty little spasm, and for the most part it just aches in general. It’s all in the lower back, which was what I hurt when I fell last winter. (I sound like an old person. Oh my goodness.) I’ve noticed that since then it will hurt occasionally for a few days, no matter how much rest I give it or how many times I pop Aleve. I’ve accepted that it’s probably something I’m going to have to deal with for the rest of my life, but I don’t like it. Speaking of pain, I am still getting pain in my arms — still mainly in my left arm. As I type this my fingers are not very happy. ): I’ve accepted that this too is something I am going to have to deal with, unless I can magically find a good doctor who can actually figure out what’s wrong.

I didn’t mean to make this a complaint post, but that’s exactly what it’s turned out to be. Sigh. Here are some good things that have been happening:

My trust level with Mike, I’ve discovered, has gone way up. He needed to borrow some money, and I agreed without hesitation. If you knew me, you would know that this is a huge deal; I have major trust issues. I’ve felt that trust with him for a while, but I think this really shows how far I’ve come since we began dating.

I finally decided on a title for my NaNoWriMo 2008 novel. I think that Thumbtacks is a very good, symbolic title for the story. It came to me while I was driving home from work. I was thinking that “Canvas” may be a good title, because one of the main characters is an artist, and canvas can always be painted over if you need to change something (one of the themes in the novel is change for the better). I then thought of how thumbtacks are what many artists use to stretch their canvas and hold it to the frame, or how thumbtacks can be used to hold things onto a surface — they hold things together. I then realized that thumbtacks also always leave little holes in whatever they hold together, holes that you can never get rid of, no matter how good the purpose was. The holes stay with whatever the thumbtacks were in. I think that the title is absolutely perfect, and I’m amazed that such a brilliant idea came out of my brain. Heh. (I reserve the right to be a total egomaniac during this and next month. )

I’ve actually been enjoying writing poetry, as much as I hate to admit it. I’ve found that whenever I want to rant and rave to the world about something, writing a poem helps me get it — for the most part — out of my system. Several of the poems I’ve posted here are about things bothering me in real life, though I try to use metaphors to disguise what I’m talking about. Some of them, however, are just for fun. (Yes. I know. I just said I’ve written poems for fun.)

I also wanted to say that I’m kind of behind on commenting on everyone’s blogs, but for the most part I am reading them. You guys give me great reasons to procrastinate homework, writing and web design projects! Also, I am currently putting together a list of bloggers doing NaNoWriMo this year, so if you are one of them and want to be on the list let me know! Just give me your blog URL and your NaNoWriMo username.

Have a great week, everyone!

PS: I just realized that my NaNoWriMo profile still said I’m 19. Heh. Can you see how well I keep up with my stuff?