Perpetual Smile

I normally don’t do this, but this was too good not to make fun of.

I hadn’t signed into MySpace in almost a week, so a little while ago I thought it’d probably be a good thing if I did so. I had a friend request, with the following note attached to it:

wow! damn u just look so cute and innocent but idk cause it says ur from waterbury land of the huge players so idk im confused? lol but damn your hot

Where, pray tell, does my profile say “Waterbury, Land of the Players”? Oh, I’m sorry — “Land of the Huge Players”! If this is something assumed — like, all Waterburians are huge players — then why would you tell someone that you are attracted to that they come from the land of players?

I mean, I get that you think I’m “hot” and “innocent” and all that, but why in hell would you write a note like that? How is that in any way convincing? What ever happened to subtlety? What happened to plain and simple, “hi, how are you”? My profile is private, so he has no way of knowing whether or not I’m seeing someone; shouldn’t he not come on that strongly? Maybe he just doesn’t care.

Anyway, I couldn’t help myself. I sent him a message with some advice.

Dear King of Cleveland,
Let me first say I have no interest whatsoever in accepting your friend request or having further relations with you. I do, however, feel a little obligated to point a few things out to you. The first, my friend, is SUBTLETY. I don’t know of any women — myself included — who think it’s attractive when a guy comes on that strong. Aside from that, you have no way of knowing whether I am seeing someone or not — which I am, happily. I doubt you’d appreciate it if some random dude started hitting on YOUR girlfriend.

I’m not sure where you got your misconception of Waterbury being the “Land of the Huge Players.” Sucky people are everywhere. Maybe if you got to know people first you wouldn’t have that problem, and you should probably not judge people just by what you’ve heard or by previous experiences. Not everyone is a “Huge Player”.

I’m sure, with a little more subtlety and some luck, you’ll find the right person someday. I hardly think MySpace is the place. Good luck.

Regards,
NOT a “Huge Player”

As I was writing this, Mike called. It was good to hear him laugh.

This entry was posted on Thursday, August 28th, 2008 at 7:08 pm and is filed under Random. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.