Perpetual Smile

Kate’s party was last night. Mike and I got there when it was basically winding down, but we had a good time. I played a quick “Thunderhorse” on Guitar Hero after Mike couldn’t figure out how to do it. Heh. I paid for it afterward, though; I can’t play that game because of my arms/hands. Good thing I had a Guinness to make me feel better. There was a kid who looked like McLovin’ who was nasty on expert “Thunderhorse”. It was kind of painful to watch him play, because I know my fingers could never bend that way and not make me feel like offing myself.

We watched her play beer pong and Mike filled in for this guy a few times. The guy was wearing an MSI shirt but I’m not sure he knew who they are. (His NY hat matched it, so that’s probably why he bought it in the first place. Sigh.) Mike and I helped Kate clean up when it was over. Her coworkers Brian and Liz were gonna crash there, so we got to sit and talk with them once everyone else left. Turns out Brian is as much of a video game freak as Mike is. They talked about NES games that I’d never even heard of for like an hour while Kate and I chainsmoked and Liz and I watched them like you’d watch a tennis match.

It was a pretty chill party. It kind of reminded me of my garage days. Part of me misses those days but Mike used to freak out when I hung out with those guys, so. Besides, I hear Steve is a “drunk bastard” now, as a mutual acquaintance put it. (I love Firefox’s spell check feature. I forgot how to spell “acquaintance” and of course Firefox had my back.)

At about 3 this morning Kate kicked us out, so we went to Denny’s. It was my first time. I know Mary would be proud. Heh.

I’m supposed to be going to Mike’s for a picnic today but a) I don’t feel like moving yet and b) he hasn’t called me yet. (I’d probably still be sleeping now, too, but my mom woke me up around noon.) I should probably get moving, though. I really don’t want to sit here all day. I guess.

Those pictures from Friday night should be coming up soon. I’m just waiting for Sandy to post them on MySpace.

PS: All this partying made me forget the reason I wanted to post in the first place! Heh. I was just looking at the syllabi from my art courses and I now know two things: I’m going to go broke, and I’m probably going to fail (at least the crafts class). I have most of the painting supplies, but the crafts class is going to run me penniless. Did I mention that the requirements are ridiculously hard for a basic level class? Fuuuck.

It’s way too easy to waste time online. I need to do some laundry, get in the shower and get some work done on Letters of Love. I sort of want to go to Target and get some new clothes, but I also said I would help Mike’s mom with something. I don’t know if I can fit it all in. Heh.

This weekend has been interesting so far. I had pizza and ice cream cake with the family last night. Kate brought our Aunt Gayle as a surprise guest, because she was in town house sitting for our Aunt Karen. So that was cool. Aunt G was in rare form last night. She was really funny.

After that Mike, Lauren and I went to Sandy’s for my surprise. She and Tyla threw a little party for me. A picture is worth a thousand words, so I’m going to have to post some as soon as I can get my hands on them. Let’s just say that there were little male “parts” everywhere; even my cake was shaped like a you-know-what. I think Mike may have been a little uncomfortable at first. We had a good time, though. We sat around and talked about horror movies and I posed for terrible pictures that can be used as blackmail if Sandy ever decides she hates me. Heh.

Tonight, when Mike gets out of work, we’re probably going to New Britain for Kate’s promotion party. She got promoted to the manager of the floral department at Big Y. Go Kate!

In the meantime, I guess I’d better go throw some things in the laundry. I need something nice and clean for the party tonight.

I normally don’t do this, but this was too good not to make fun of.

I hadn’t signed into MySpace in almost a week, so a little while ago I thought it’d probably be a good thing if I did so. I had a friend request, with the following note attached to it:

wow! damn u just look so cute and innocent but idk cause it says ur from waterbury land of the huge players so idk im confused? lol but damn your hot

Where, pray tell, does my profile say “Waterbury, Land of the Players”? Oh, I’m sorry — “Land of the Huge Players”! If this is something assumed — like, all Waterburians are huge players — then why would you tell someone that you are attracted to that they come from the land of players?

I mean, I get that you think I’m “hot” and “innocent” and all that, but why in hell would you write a note like that? How is that in any way convincing? What ever happened to subtlety? What happened to plain and simple, “hi, how are you”? My profile is private, so he has no way of knowing whether or not I’m seeing someone; shouldn’t he not come on that strongly? Maybe he just doesn’t care.

Anyway, I couldn’t help myself. I sent him a message with some advice.

Dear King of Cleveland,
Let me first say I have no interest whatsoever in accepting your friend request or having further relations with you. I do, however, feel a little obligated to point a few things out to you. The first, my friend, is SUBTLETY. I don’t know of any women — myself included — who think it’s attractive when a guy comes on that strong. Aside from that, you have no way of knowing whether I am seeing someone or not — which I am, happily. I doubt you’d appreciate it if some random dude started hitting on YOUR girlfriend.

I’m not sure where you got your misconception of Waterbury being the “Land of the Huge Players.” Sucky people are everywhere. Maybe if you got to know people first you wouldn’t have that problem, and you should probably not judge people just by what you’ve heard or by previous experiences. Not everyone is a “Huge Player”.

I’m sure, with a little more subtlety and some luck, you’ll find the right person someday. I hardly think MySpace is the place. Good luck.

Regards,
NOT a “Huge Player”

As I was writing this, Mike called. It was good to hear him laugh.

Well damn, it’s here. The big 2-0. I can’t bask in the glory of being 19 anymore. (The number 19 is a really big part of Stephen King’s Dark Tower series. Yeah, I’m a nerd. Whatever.)

Today has been relatively uneventful. It kind of sucked at first. Dunkin Donuts screwed up my breakfast sandwich. I couldn’t get some code to do what I wanted it to do at work. It got better once I got home. I finished Breaking Dawn. I’m sad that it’s over, but I loved every minute of it. I won’t say anymore, because I don’t want to give anything away, but I’m so glad I caved and read Twilight. So, so, so glad.

Later tonight I’m going to Mike’s to watch Burn Notice. Tomorrow night I’m having cake with the family. Other than that, I’m just trying to get used to not being a teenager anymore. As grown up as I’ve always felt, I’ve still just been a teenager. This morning, still half asleep, I thought to myself, “well, I’m 19 today.” Yeah.

Whenever you do something stupid, you always get caught. Or at least I do.

I got lucky this morning. I pulled into the parking lot at work and it was nearly empty. There is a chain link fence that surrounds the lot. When I pulled into a space, I accidentally bumped the pole. I thought China heard the seemingly loud clang it made. None of the passersby, off-duty fireman or cars stopped at the light even glanced in my direction. (I swear, everything sounds louder in the morning.)

I didn’t get so lucky this afternoon. I pressed the button for the WALK signal and when I got the little lit-up white guy flash in front of me, I started to cross the street. As I came to the halfway point I heard sirens blaring. I could see an ambulance speeding up the street. Fleetingly, I wondered what would happen if the ambulance needed to go through where I was walking. Would they run me down? (Yes, I have an overactive imagination.) A half-second after I thought this, the ambulance paused and waited for me to finish crossing before heading straight through where I just walked. I swear, everyone was staring at me, giving me the stink eye for being in the ambulance’s way. I climbed into my car, hoping that whomever needed the ambulance hadn’t died while the ambulance waited for me to cross the street.

Yeah. Toldja I’m neurotic.

Okay, so I know I promised to do an I am.. post soon — and I do want to do one, specifically about how impulsive I am — but there are about a zillion things zipping through my head right now. So.

Breaking Dawn is freaking awesome so far. The more I read, the more Stephenie Meyer is becoming one of my favorite authors — possibly an all-time favorite. (I should probably read Host before I say that, but whatever.) Wherever she ends up on my list of favs, I hope she never stops writing. She truly is gifted. That being said, I really want to start concentrating on some writing. I have a zillion projects I want to start and a zillion projects I need to finish. I wish there was some way I could discipline myself a little more. It’s just hard to ignore the new ideas until I finish the old. (See? Toldja I was impulsive.) I’m hoping that taking that creative writing course this semester may help me balance a little better. Obviously I (probably) can’t use old work for the assignments, so I can (probably) humor my new ideas in class and work on finishing the older stuff in my free time. Hopefully. I really need to rethink my time management skills. Makes me wonder how teachers could have ever put that “uses time well” comment on any of my report cards.

Speaking of time management, I need to finish the websites I’ve been working on. I need to get my business site looking a little more professional, and lettersoflove.net needs to be finished like, yesterday, so that I can add it to lists. I’ll probably feel less guilty about pursuing side projects, and with my business’s website finished I can probably get some actual work. (My trip to Indianapolis is so not gonna pay for itself.)

Back to Breaking Dawn. I’ve been having really vivid dreams lately. I dreamed last night that I was Bella and Mike was Edward. Heh. I was even dressed in clothes I wouldn’t normally wear. It was cool being a vampire. The dream was just getting good and then I woke up — for the zillionth time. I slept really poorly last night. I’m not sure why. At about 4, 4:30 this morning the garbage truck came by. When the hell did those things get so loud? It sounded like the most annoying ringtone ever going off. I see no reason for them to be so loud, especially when they’re collecting garbage at the ass-crack of dawn. I would love to shoot the moron who designed the newer garbage trucks, for his total ignorance.

Where the hell was I going with this post? Yikes. I don’t know if it’s the lack of sleep, but I totally can’t function today.

Oh. Yeah. I accidentally dropped my phone into a cup of water last night. Heh. My eyes bugged out and I said, “oh, oh” over and over. My aunt Rikki ran over and dropped the phone into a brown paper bag, sent me upstairs to blowdry it out, and the phone works fine now. She’s a genius. I swear.

Sorry this post is so all over the damn place. When I composed today’s post in my head last night — hoping that it might help me fall back asleep — it sounded a lot more together than this. I promise something rational later!

I am such a blog whore. Heh. I’ve really gotta stop posting five hundred times a day.

Anyway, I heard Sandpaper Kisses by Martina Topley-Bird on Indigo Prophecy and I’m hooked. Listen to it and tell me what you think! Sandy gave me an mp3 player — which I forgot at her house. I’m going to have to download this off iTunes as soon as I remember to take it home.

I wasn’t entirely sure if I liked Breaking Dawn at first, but I’m really into it. I won’t give anything away but if you’ve been afraid to read the last one, don’t be. Dive in. It’s great. (I’ll give a better review when I’m finished with it.)

Things are looking up on several sides. For one, my aunt and mentor at Out-Source Communications called me tonight with a job. I love working for my aunt. She seems to think that she learns a lot from me, but let me tell you — I’ve learned a lot from her. Anyway, she has a client who needs a new site built, but in the meantime the client needs the old site updated. While my aunt builds her new site, I’m going to update the old one. It will just be simple data entry, with a little hard coding — a lot of which I do at my day job — but I’m not complaining. I could really use the extra money. Mike and I really want to shoot for the October 12th game in Indianapolis.

I also dyed Lauren’s hair tonight — a nice, dark chocolate brown. Then I blow dried it for her and marveled at the wonders of DNA. I mean, she got Mom’s pin-straight, easy to manage hair. I got Dad’s thick, curly, not so easy to manage hair. I’m hoping that if I ever have kids, Mom’s hair DNA will skip a generation and hit them. That would be awesome, but I don’t think that’s possible. In any case, hopefully they’ll get their father’s hair. I’ll have to make sure I marry a guy with easier hair than mine. Mike qualifies, so far. Heh.

I feel like an asshole for failing quitting smoking, but I guess I really just wasn’t ready. They say that the number one factor in success is that you have to be ready. I guess I got caught up in a couple of conversations I’d had — with Sandy and Tracy, Mike’s mom — and then a few blog entries I’d read. I tried though, and that’s all that matters. Anyway, I’m going to have to cut back on coffee this week, because now that I bought another pack of cigarettes I don’t have enough money for coffee every morning. I am such a loser. I’m actually punishing myself for not quitting smoking. I do weird stuff like that all the time. I think it really might be OCD.

I still plan on using the two composition notebooks I bought. I’ll probably bring them to work with me once I finish Breaking Dawn. I want to get started on my short stories series about Tent City before I start my creative writing class. Either way, I’ll be bringing them with me to class.

Anyway, Lauren is playing Indigo Prophecy — a game Mike gave her — and I’m really getting into it. I want to thank everyone for their support this weekend, especially Sarah! I promise I’ll get back to the “I am..” and “Ten Things I Love About..” blogs this week.

I lasted for over twenty-four hours, so that counts for something. Right? Heh.

The way I felt was utter hell. I gave in about a half hour ago and walked to the gas station down the street. I must have looked insane, to my gas station guy and the other customer in the store.

“Hi, how are you?” My gas station guy asked.

“Good, you?” I think I sounded way too happy.

“Good, thanks.”

“Can I get a pack of Marlboro Virginia Blends?” He placed the pack on the counter. “I need a lighter, too.”

“Small one?”

“Sure.” Whatever. Give it to me.

It seemed like an eternity for him to count my change. I almost told him to keep it. I thanked him and practically ran out of the store, then lit up right outside. I’m not sure you’re supposed to light up at a gas station, but at the time getting blown up seemed a small price to pay.

I walked home, smoking and grinning. A small part of me hated myself, but by the time I got home and finished my cigarette I was feeling great. I lay down on my bed, heart thudding with excitement at the sudden nicotine.

“I’ll quit again when I’m pregnant,” I told Sandy. (She gave in before I did today.)

Mike, luckily, did not make fun of me. Though he wishes he had taken the bet. He would have won.

I feel twitchy and anxious inside, like every fiber of my being is squirming. Heh. I also feel too tired to do much of anything. I’ve been dragging myself through Breaking Dawn — which is really good, by the way — but I’m exhausted.

Sandy quit this morning and she feels like crap, too. At least I know I’m not alone.

All I can think of is, how in the world am I going to get through work tomorrow?