Perpetual Smile

..Where to start… Been really tired lately, in fact after I get done with this update I’m going to take a nap. We got our replacement chef, Chef Zaldjhfjkhekjshg (some really long name that’s pronounced “Zachesky” but defintely not spelled that way) .. All the immature little bitches in my class are treating him like shit, he’s really not bad and at least deserves a chance. The only thing I’m pissed about is that Chef I isn’t our theory instructor anymore, it’s chef Z. wtf.. It was admin that decided that one. BULLfuckingSHIT.

Another real fuckarow was that the new superintendent cut Pro-Tech, which has made me into somewhat of an activist. Okay, not somewhat.. I started the whole damn thing. I wrote a letter to her and I’m getting people to sign, I’m also trying to get in touch with the other teachers in charge of Pro-Tech at the other schools.. So far I have the Wilcox Tech teacher’s number. We have a lot of signatures now, though, and alot of people are involved. Me, Joan, Rui, Tarshelle, and Stacia. Funny, Mr. Traverso thinks its a good idea. He used to scare the shit out of me, cos he’s so hard sometimes, but he likes what we’re doing. Hey, whatever works. So I’m real busy with that.

I’m working Friday night and Saturday night, which is real cool.. the only thing is I don’t know when Sean and I are going to be able to celebrate… omfg.. He’s getting me a guitar for our anniversry… I told him I didn’t want him to spend all that money on me, that I want him to save his money, but he said he doesn’t care what I say, that he’s getting it for me. >>; So.. wow.. lol … He came over yesterday, which was awesome cos I’ve missed him so much (and now I miss him all over again) … <33 … Unfortunately.. all the stuff he had left at his mom’s house is gone, because the guy who bought it let people go in and clear the house out.. and apparently they went through all his stuff and took whatever they wanted because he said a few of his things were strewn all over the lawn, but they were ruined from the rain. So now he just has a few pairs of clothing and the few things he took with him. He’s pretty pissed about it.

Argh.. that and Sandy’s fiancee is an asshole — wait, sorry, I’m stating the obvious — he flat out said no, that the three of them can’t move in together… ha, even though they don’t know where they’ll be staying when they get back up here… That and she tried to say that she’s seen the way Sean lives and it’s horrible, even though the way that his mother’s house was WAS NOT HIS FAULT, and she made a comment about him not having a job. I told her he was looking, but she didn’t seem to care. I wanted to say to her that she and Bearrin wouldn’t have jobs here at first either, but.. ..Whatever. I’m just waiting for them to come back.. All I know is, if Bearrin starts pulling the shit he used to pull, like crying and whining whenever Sandy is supposed to hang out with me, he’s gunna get a piece of my mind. I hate him. There’s so much shit.. I just -hate- him. If I hear any more about him treating her bad… Argh. I fucking hate him.

Well.. I’m gunna go take a nap. So tired…

Kate, I think I’m gunna have you meet me after work on Saturday. How’re you getting here? You and Jo, or you and Aunt Gayle?

Whew, finally, a day off. Except today I don’t get to sleep in or screw Sean, I have to go up to camp for my grandfather’s surprise birthday party. Which isn’t a bad thing, I just wish I could sleep in. Woke up at 9 to get ready, and still the father person and mother person aren’t ready to go yet. What the fuck..

Did alot yesterday.. Went to the dentist in the morning, SHE’S EVIL! My teeth kind of hurt now from the way she stuck that sharp pointy thing in them to clean them… Bitch.. But I got a free toothbrush and toothpaste… >>;

Went to the mall with Lauren (I feel like a mall rat now!) and wanted to go to FYE to get some anime but when I started to walk in Jess said that they wanted me to come into work right then and there, and when I told her I couldn’t cos I couldn’t leave me sis, she had me not go in cos Rob would’ve made me stay. Or tried to. So we walked around for a while, looked in a bunch of other stores but I still wanted anime *cries* So eventually we came back to FYE at around 4pm, and I just went in. Rob tried to get me to clock in but I couldn’t, so… If it had been just me I would’ve, but I had promised Lauren we’d hang out, and also I couldn’t leave her alone. I couldn’t decide on any anime, that and I didn’t have much money to work with after paying my dad back the forty bucks he loaned me, then lunch, and $50 to save in the bank, so I looked around some more and ended up getting The Crow on dvd, a Guano Apes CD and incense. Later on, right before we closed, I saw the Ninth Gate on sale for 9.99 so I -had- to get it. Johnny Depp movie on sale. I couldn’t resist.

Got my schedule last night, too. I have today off, then Tues, Wed, and Thurs. ^^ Which means Sean and I will most likely get to see each other. <33 Now I have to open a bank account, and then Friday I can go into work earlier and get my check cashed myself so that maybe Saturday night after I get out of work Sean and I can go see a movie. I'm working 10am-6pm.

And dammit... Waldy's had a manga sale... buy three get a fourth free.... And it ends today! *cries* I wish it would have lasted til next weekend, cos I would've bought out the store. *needs new manga* And anime. *cries*

10:58.. Hopefully we get going soon, or else we're never going to make it. That and I want to get into the car and listen to my new CD.... Take care, everyone.

~Random fact of the day: Hatebreed’s guitarist is from Waterbury.

Got my first paycheck last night.. <33 Makes all the tiredness sort of worth it.

I’m so tired, though.. Rob has me working nearly every night, so I don’t get home til ten, then I have things to do like shower, get shit ready for the next day, call Sean, or other things, and I’ve been sick, so by the time I actually fall asleep it’s really fucking late and then on school mornings I have to get up at six… x.x; I miss Sean, haven’t seen each other in a week… wanted to see him today, but don’t know if that’s going to happen… have so much money but nothing to do with it… Working Friday nights sucks cos everyone is out and having fun but I can’t cos I have to work. And I hardly get to see Sean.

And Bearrin is a mega asshole. I talked to Sandy about them moving into a place with Sean, and she talked to Bearrin, and he said no. She asked me if Sean has a job, and when I said not yet, she said ‘exactly’. But what I really wanted to say to her was, “Yeah, and neither you or Bearrin will have jobs when you come here” or something like that. It pissed me off.. Now I have no idea what’s going to happen once Sean needs a place. I guess he’s going to have to stay with his dad, which he doesn’t want to do, but it seems like he has no other choice. Which means we’ll hardly see each other.

Damn, I miss him.

Stayed home again today, which sucks cos it was only a half day to begin with, and maybe I could have gotten through it, but I dunno. I’m coughing up all kinds of disgusting shit… No one is online, either, and it sucks.

Yeah, for some reason I thought this Monday was me and Sean’s anniversry, but it turns out it isn’t for another week. I’m a dumbass. It’s good though, cos it gives me a chance to completely get better, so I won’t be too sick to screw around ^^

Hopefully I’ll feel better tomorrow to go to school, since I’ll be back in shop. Much more fun than academics.

Still have to figure out what else to get Sean for the 4th, and what to get my grandfather for his 65th b~day, which we’re having a surprise party for him up at camp on Sunday.

I’m working tomorrow, 5-10pm.. Not bad. Getting paid Friday, can’t wait. I want to go see Resident Evil 2 or that new movie, The Forgotten. Anyone wanna go on Saturday, if I have the day off? or the night?

————
[[Edit :: 1:45pm]]
I have so much fan fiction to catch up on… I’m thinking of posting all my stuff here for now, then once I get the site up and running I’ll be posting it there. *nod* Yeah, sounds good.

影図
kageboushi.net
(shadow figure)

- Contains:
&nbsp &nbsp SoulStream FanFiction
&nbsp &nbsp s6x feet under rpg
&nbsp &nbsp darkfirecourse
&nbsp &nbsp ::Whispered::Eternity::
&nbsp &nbsp lemonade
- E-mail addresses:
&nbsp &nbsp 01. soulstreamfanfiction@kageboushi.net
&nbsp &nbsp 02. s6xfeetunder@kageboushi.net
&nbsp &nbsp 03. darkfirecourse@kageboushi.net
&nbsp &nbsp 04. whisperedeternity@kageboushi.net
&nbsp &nbsp 05. lemonade@kageboushi.net
- $8.95/month, 1 time $15 set-up fee
&nbsp &nbsp $ 8.95
&nbsp &nbsp $15.00
&nbsp &nbsp $23.95

** some things are subject to change

So here I sit, not in school. Which is making me want to kick myself, but wtf. I’m sick as fuck, I can’t stand this. Some bastard gave me their fucked up cold and it’s tearing my throat to pieces. That and my mom said if they want me to go into work later I can’t. I don’t think I would anyway, cos last night was shitty, blowing my nose every five seconds… Spade tried to buy me cough medicine but I wouldn’t let him. It was sweet of him to offer, though.

I want to call Sean, but I dunno if my mom will freak out. Last night she wouldn’t let me use her cell phone, and according to her, if I buy my own, I still won’t be able to talk past ten. Riiight. Sorry, if I’m paying for my shit, then I’m talking as late as I want. What’s she gunna do, hold onto my phone at night? Yeah, right. She cracks me up sometimes.

Talking to Kate right now, for the first time in ages… The original jap version of yugiou sounds so fucking amazing…

I wish I could see Sean… If he were still in Waterbury I’d have him come over right now.. I want to talk to him so badly, more than anyone knows…. I must have had a million dreams about him last night…. This whole thing sucks, I wish things were better for him.

Sandy called me the other day, randomly. I haven’t gotten to talk to her yet, we keep playing phone tag.

At the end of the week I’m getting paid.. Anyone want to do something? Half my check is going in the bank, but the other half I have all to myself.. I’ll also be able to get Sean the other half of his present just in time. Our anniversry is Monday.

Well, I’m gunna go devise ways to spend my money.. Sean wants me to visit with him and his dad this weekend, his dad already said it was okay. Must convince the mother person…. It’d be a nice way to spend our anniversry, cos I don’t think we’ll be able to celebrate on the actual day.

————–
[[Edit]]
At least today gives me a chance to try and understand Geometry a little better, and to work on my novel. I keep getting all these ideas but I haven’t had the time to write. So far it’s pretty good, a lot of sexual tension. I love slash.

[[Edit :: 5:34pm]]
Finally found a name for my domain, which I’ll be getting soon, most likely with my first or second check. Called in to work, they wanted me to come in tonight, but John told them I can’t cos I’m sick. He was like, “She sounds horrible on the phone, she can’t come in”. He’s been so good to me since the beginning. So anyway, he told me to call back in half an hour and talk to Mike B. When I did, Mike asked me when I could come in next. I said probably tomorrow, cos I have a half day of school, and I could come home and rest if I’m not feeling good and then go into work, but he said “why don’t we make it Thursday?” So I’ll be working 5-10 on Thursday, and he said we’ll figure out the rest of the week then. Hopefully I’ll have Saturday off, since I’m already not working Sunday (Popi’s surprise b-day party ^^). If I have Sat off, that means Sean and I can spend the day together. Maybe I can spend Friday night and Saturday at his dad’s. I tried calling him earlier, but Kathleen said they were out and to call back around 6:30. I also have to call Sandy tonight. I’m so tired, and I feel like shit. I have no voice, my throat hurts, and I can’t breathe. Kill me, please.

Worked today, 11-5. Sean came up behind me while I was on my break, which was an awesome surprise. I still miss him so much, he left like an hour ago. ;_; And he’s in New Haven, which feels so far away..

I love work so far, it’s a lot of fun and everyone is really nice. Should be getting paid at the end of the week. Wh00t!

I have to call Sandy, to see what she and Bearrin think of getting a place w/ Sean when they come back to CT. I’m willing to chip in if the 3 of them need any help, but I think it would work out really good and that she wouldn’t say no to him.

what decade does your personality live in?

quiz brought to you by lady interference, ltd

New color scheme, it was time for a change.

Haven’t had time to update lately, I’ve been working my ass off at FYE. If you live near the Brass Mill Center, come visit me at FYE tomorrow. ^^ Today I worked 9 hours. :3

Things w/ Sean are good, except today, he tried to pick a fight w/ me, but I didn’t let him. All this shit is going on w/ him, I feel so bad. I’m not upset anymore.. to be honest I was just scared of losing him. But I don’t have time to go on about this, so this will have to do.

E-mail me, Kate.

I’m in desperate need of a fag right now (or five at once) and a nice packed bowl, but I can’t have either one. At least I’ll be getting paid soon. I start work either tomorrow or Friday, depending on when I can get working papers. Meh. What the fuck do I really need those for? Mike said I -have- to have them, and that I -can’t- start without them. What the fuck. But soon, very soon… the almighty paycheck. And I get employee discount on video games, manga, anime, CDs, and movies. Kewl beans man!

Talked to Sean last night.. all he could say for himself was “sorry”. He kept saying he couldn’t call me, and when I pointed out that he could’ve: a) called me from Jeremy’s, b) called me from his dad’s, c) called me from a payphone, d) come by my house, or e) met me after school, all he could say was a half-assed “I’m sorry”. I’m so hurt and angry right now.. I don’t want to break up with him, but what the fuck. I feel like shit, you know?

Kate, I e-mailed you..

On a better note, Sandy called me yesterday, she’s having a girl. Her name is going to be Kaylene Tamara. Kaylene is my middle name. ^^

It just pisses me off that my best friend who lives all the way in TN can call me and leave a message to let me know what’s going on once in a while, but my boyfriend can’t figure out any way to let me know what’s going on. Ass.

I guess I’m not worthy enough for him to FUCKING CALL ME and tell me that he has to go stay with his dad. THREE FUCKING DAYS, and he didn’t even bother to call me. HE CAN GO DOWN TO JEREMY’S AND TELL HIM, BUT HE CAN’T TELL ME!!!!!!!!! I HAD TO FIND OUT FROM DYLAN!! DYLAN, WHO WALKED ME OUT THE OTHER NIGHT! NOT SEAN, DYLAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I guess I’m not important enough. He can’t even fucking call me!?!?!? I’m so angry and hurt right now… I don’t even know how I feel. I don’t know if I’m more hurt than angry… I don’t fucking know.

Hate
I’m your hate
I’m your hate when you want love
Pay
Pay the price for nothing’s fair
Hey
I’m your life
I’m the one who takes you there
I’m your life and I no longer care

I’m inside, open your eyes
I’m you
Sad but true

Fuck it.

I feel like shit. What, he can’t pick up a phone, dial a few fucking numbers to TELL HIS GIRLFRIEND WHAT’S GOING ON?

So I called him at his father’s when I got home from school today (I had just found out from Dylan before we got on the bus) and Jen answered, and said he was out with his father and they were KAYAKING. He can kayak, but he can’t call me!?

I feel the need to destroy something…. I just changed the index of SoulStream to say I destroyed it…. I’m tempted to just delete the whole fucking site. I haven’t been working on it anyway. Even though it was going to be one of the things on my resume when I start my business. I could always rebuild it. Which would be better than trying to fix it.

What the fuck. Why couldn’t he call me?

Here’s my fatal attempt at trying to get my mind off things:

I didn’t actually get hired Saturday. I thought I did, but it turned out to be an interview. Then I had to go back in on Monday and take this test. I passed, they hired me. End of story. I was going to tell Sean all this, I was so excited and so happy… Everything was going great. Now I feel like shit, I don’t even know what I feel. I want to call Dylan and go over there and smoke myself retarded…. Sounds damn good, ne? Yeah, it does. It sounds very very very good. And hey, if I was so fucked up that I accidentally made out with him, it wouldn’t be half bad, would it? Yes, I know, this is crazy talk. Crazy fucking talk. But I feel crazy. I feel betrayed somehow. God what the fuck. Why can’t anything ever be okay?

btw… Sandy left me a message… She’s having a girl. My best friend that lives all the way out in TN can atleast call and leave a message to tell me what’s going on, but the guy I love and that supposdely loves me can’t do that. And for some reason I keep fixing all my typos, even though I really couldn’t give a fuck. I want to scream, break shit… I dunno. At least I’m getting my ID tomorrow, which means I can start working Thursday? Hopefully.

At least I’m more calm now. Yeah, I think I’m gunna go delete SoulStream, then maybe I’ll call Dylan. Yeah. Sounds good. Real fucking good.